got paid yesterdaay.

gotta pay for those bananas tonight.

tonight is going to be gooooooooood.

I cant wait.

So sometimes we dont always get what we want, and I've learned to except that. Its not that easy.. sometimes I feel like I'll be sick to my stomach, or that I cant handle it being any other way. Somtimes it gets so hard to bare, that I just want to tell my boss that he is the best boss in the whole wide world.  He is the greatest!!!  I only hope I am as nice as him when I grow up

yeah for the most part that was my boss.

anyways. I think I've come to that state of mind where I become numb to everything that happens. I think that the more Im hurt the less I let it effect me. I hate being unhappy, but I cant be happy unless Im in love. I wont go out with you, unless I know I'll fall in love with you. I usually know right away, and thats why Im so picky. Im so picky because I dont want to waste my time with the wrong people, so instead Im alone all the time. I want to find someone, I truly do, but Im just so difficult. Its such a mess, I dont understand why I have to make things so difficult for myself. I let everything weigh off of my relationships. I thought it was the end of the world when I got that message from ptg. I seriosuly thought that I was going to die. Every friend I had known since freshmen year, some even back to kindergarden, all stabbed me in the back at once. Thats okay, because I turned it into a positive situation. I realized that having two really good friends is a hell of a lot better than having 2348203 friends who talk more crap about me behind my back than my enemies. People who stabb eachother in the back and call them selves friends. When I met noah, I didnt think twice about wether or not he'd be like the rest, someone that I wanted to like but never could. I knew that he'd be someone I could be with for a long time, so I made every effort to let him know that. Turns out, he made me the happiest I've been in a long time. He was by far the most perfect boyfriend I had ever had. He did so much for me, and I did so little for him. At the senior game, while his mom was standing there watching me cry, telling me that noah and I couldnt be anymore.. i wanted nothing more than to die. I just didnt know how I could go back to being unhappy, to be alone, especially after all those mornings of laughing nonstop and being loved. That was so hard to except, but i eventually did. Now, Im waiting for that someone to come around where I'd have to muss up more courage to talk to than anyone, and talk to him. That kind happened tonight, but I just couldnt get the courage.. and I didnt feel like it. I havnt made much of an effort at all lately, but then again you cant really except me to..

to be continued.

When I make an effort, I hate when people critisize me.

and this weekend is going to rock.

Im soo tired..they were out of amp today and katrina wanted to close till 10, and I was soo incredibly tired and than I have to spend the day with jack today.

uhhhhhgggggggggg.
I just want to take a nap and die or something.

Steve, you're my hero.

This so so hard. Everything is..

I sleep with my phone, just incase something happens and I need to answer it, but in the mornings I just leave it on my bed. I heard it vibrating this morning, but figured it was Chris asking for a ride to school and Id call him when I felt like it. I was wrong, it was my dad. My mom got in a car accident with my little brother in the car. The second I got the message I ran out the door, when i got in my car I heard the sirens.. and my stomach started to hurt so much.. As i was dirving down the road, I saw the tow truck drive past me, with my mom's car.. It was completly crushed.. there was no front end..

Everyone needs me right now, and its so hard.

I mean everyone, Im trying so hard to sort my time and get things done.
I just cant handle this anymore.
I need a break.
Please dont hate me, and dont hate me if I cant give you all of my attention. Im so overloaded with work, school, and so much more.
All I want to do right now is cry, this is becoming too much to handle.